Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Alice in Wonderland's LiveJournal:

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Monday, August 18th, 2008
10:12 pm	my hormones have control Sometimes I can't see straight... like the strait jacket has cut off circulation to my ventilation to my eyes can't do anything just despise all things sweet like my hormones have control and i can't fight can't light my way out of this dark tunnel just spinning in circles in this cave of anticipation your all alone if you can't see your friends in front of you if you won't  silly songs on repeat carolina liar history deletes my future... putrid smells solicit my reaction satisfaction would be blowing chunks on this side of me sans any hope playing without control stuck on repeat   (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 9th, 2008
2:59 pm	Wouldn't you like to know.  My two favorite movies have become "Knocked Up" and "Juno."  ...weird. Current Mood: strangely comfortable with it. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
11:44 pm	True dat!  Mine For many Aries, independence is a virtue that flows in abundance - so much so that it's sometimes on the verge of becoming excessive and turning into a vice.  That's why I'm thrilled to inform you that the mysteries of dependence could be especially intriguing and useful to you in the coming days.  They might also lead, paradoxically, to a form of interdependence that would in the long run nourish your independence.  So how about it? Without compromising your freewheeling spirit, can you blend yourself more thoroughly with trustworthy souls who care about you? Yours Are you fully prepared for your showdown with The Machine?  Are you as confident as you need to be in order to fight for the rights of soulful beauty?  Of course not.  None of us is ever perfectly prepared as we go up against the Big Lies of the mechanical thinkers.  But I do have a great faith in your ability to prevail - especially if you strengthen yourself with this meditation from the book Less Than One, by Joseph Brodsky:  "The surest defense against evil is extreme individualism, originality of thinking, whimsicality - even, if you will, eccentricity. ... Evil is a sucker for solidarity.  It always goes for big numbers, for confident granite, for ideological purity, for drilled armies and balance sheets." Current Mood: interested (Comment on this)
11:35 pm	"Now progress take away what forever took to find." "If I could open my arms,                                                  And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,                              I'd bring it to where you are,                                            Making a lake of the East River and Hudson.                                And if I could open my mouth,                                              Wide enough for a marching band to march out,                              They would make your name sing,                                            And bend through alleys and bounce off other buildings.                                                                                           I wish we could open our eyes,                                            To see in all directions at the same time.                                Oh what a beautiful view,                                                  If you were never aware of what was around you.                            And it is true what you said,                                              That I live like a hermit in my own head.                                  But when the sun shines again,                                            I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.                                                                                             Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole.                            Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound.          But while you debate half empty or half full,                              It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown.                                                                                                           Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole.                            Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound.          But while you debate half empty or half full,                              It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown.                                                                                                          Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole.                            Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound.          But while you debate half empty or half full,                              It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown.                                                                                                         Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole.                            Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound.          But while you debate half empty or half full,                              It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown.                                Your love is gonna drown.                                                Your love is gonna drown.                                                 Your love is gonna drown.                                                 Your love is gonna drown.                                                 Your love is gonna...  "  -Deathcab Notitle Nothing's ever casual @ my affairs to stare you down in satisfaction the traction b/w you and I magnetism molds our actions the captions below our eyes read that we succeed in sexual solutions to burn tragedies inside leaving nothing to hide just pride in the decision to sink into you & stew in our overdramatic juices   ...written today 5/7/8 Only six more days till someone sexy is finding his way near to me!! WHoowho!! Everyday is new day to turn it around.  On the bus today I almost allowed the past to pass me by.  But pride successfully tucked deep down into my tummy, looking fear in the face, I climbed the horizontal latter to meet you halfway.  And it turned out ok.  Walking away with a wide smile and a symphony in my ear, I realized that the difficulty I created can be quickly dissolved into time and resolved and resigned and that someday, hopefully soon I will be able to forgive myself for all of the heartbreak that I've caused you.    And you... And you... and you...  ...and you...  and you...  And me.            ...written today 5/7/8                                                 Current Mood: about cyclones Current Music: Listen... (Comment on this)
Friday, March 7th, 2008
12:24 am	King for a day, fool for a lifetime Tragically Hip - Two Loons for Tea   The buildings went up   The buildings came down   And everything’s changed   About this town   Some had to go   Some stayed behind   Some couldn’t make up their minds   Stand like a statue   With nothing to lose   The answer is somewhere   In things that you choose   Get on a bus   And go where it takes you   Look for a place   Somewhere to belong to   And I’ll join you   I’ll join you   There’s too many things   On your mind   We’ve become tired   And a little touched by time   Oh, oh…   Scrape the barnacles   From the hull of your ship   Everyone here’s become   Tragically hip   The buildings went up   The buildings came down   And everything’s changed   About this town   Get on a bus   And go where it takes you   Look for a place   Somewhere to belong to   I’ll join you   And I’ll join you   And I’ll join you  - Good song Although I'm nervous about the future... the next two months specifically... I'm trying to remember that It's Sometmes Darkest Just Before Dawn. Current Mood: unstable Current Music: isn't it obvious (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
11:59 pm	"Where we're going we don't need roads." Its from back to the future and time is circular. "It's like someone took a knife, baby edgy and dull, and cut a six inch valley through the middle of my soul." - the boss (apparently) I'm strangly comfortable with it.  And I'm going to bed. Current Mood: sleepy and full of whisky Current Music: Feist - My Moon My Man (Comment on this)
12:27 am	"This is bat country" - H.S.Thompson "You've got to find your balance, You've got to realize, You've got to try and find what's right before your eyes, and if you find your falling, and all your (grease) is gone, just scream for me and I'll be what you're falling on." - Bleach It's been a surreal night as usual.  Be careful this is bat country. I have to try to finish two two page papers. sigh. ... Current Mood: cold and complicated Current Music: Bleach - Falling on (Comment on this)
Monday, July 9th, 2007
11:40 pm	I got to see Harry Potter and you didn't!!!! I'm going to see him again... so if anyone is intrested!!! 7/9/7 7/11/7 7/13/7 Current Mood: aloha mora (Comment on this)
Friday, February 16th, 2007
12:03 am	"Now, I'm off consenting age, to be forgetting you in a cabaret... ...But I'm afraid that I, well I may have faked (it). I wouldn't be caught dead in this place." Praying for love (in a lap dance) and paying in naivety... Thats me. Things are looking for up for our short heroine. She's learning to drive, and fly... and she's learning the simple fact that things are never easy... but that you can never choose to give up.  Or at least that she never will choose such a thing. There's less smoke and liquid in her diet.  And she's involved in living and loving again.  But trying to stay sane is taking it's toll.  Overdrama waves roll over her mind when she's alone.  And she still misses you.... like the deserts miss the rain. "I'd chime in with a 'Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?!' No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and ratioality." became her mantra throughout loves many mischievious melodies... playing on repeat... drilling in like droves of insults... chipping away at her smile... but hope came in, in the form of country music (I know... weird) and hopefully he will remain, as long as normalcy can be stood by that short and smart young girl. I'm going to see Fall out boy, Bad Religion, and flogging molley... all in one year!!! Who's coming with me!?!?!?! "Haven't your heard that I'm the new cancer, never looked better and you can't stand it." She's failing her classes already, working so much she can't stand it. But with a new metalic mouth to feed.  Frosted mint means unleaded means "keep working overtime Crystal"  ...She's panicing at the thought of growing up and giving up all the overdramatisismisticalness that got her through life while bypassing reality's rocky road. Well I'd better get going...  I need a shower... "must get rid of the dirtiness" (Carl from Aquateen) Current Mood: Panic Current Music: Duh (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
10:31 pm	"And I can't feel much hope for anything, if I won't be there to catch you if you fall... ... Again, it seems we meet in the spaces in between you always say it won't be long but somethings always wrong..." I feel fine, til i go home and put music on... and then i can't stop crying... Anyone want to go see Pan's Labrynth with me on Friday? I'll be at the Loews waterfront at 2:15 for a little escapism... my kidneys hurt after i drink... is that really bad??? Current Mood: and the infinite sadness (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
12:01 am	"should you need us..." - Hoggle "Innocence is growing older our hearts have learned to lie the steel city's gotten colder and distance makes me shy when the latitude of longing is enough to make you cry hold tight, dear friends cause this ain't the end just a short detour on the path to being more just a small road block just a dot dot dot until we meet again"  - Abby Ahmad " I need you hoggle, I need all of you..."  - Sarah "I've gotten pretty good at lying... but the only thing that I'm protecting, is my dirty dirty image, because. I am weak, I am poor, broken on the floor..."  -joyike "I wish I could explain myself... but i'm not myselt you see..." -Alice I miss you... all of you... Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: soildering life... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 31st, 2006
5:05 pm	... I just feel like I was getting over it... (Like I was making progress) and then some STUPID little thing snagged my scar and tore it gushing open and now it feels worse (than before) I think i'm feeling better already.... Livejournal really is like therapy... plus i'm listening to my favorite bad religion song... well one of them... Kyoto Now. Thankyou for being here for me! :) Current Mood: a little better Current Music: making a cd for a friend... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
4:53 pm	Sorry, but I have to do this... Ok... So I have a really positive poem too... and I'm not directly directing this any one person... but it was written quite recently(November 06) ...as a vent piece... Please understand... Always a fuck buddy Never a friend Never again I trust you to hurt me to selfishly sodomize my dreams the hope it seems is lost but while friends are true I'm still stuck with you and these feelings Flush my emotions sink these songs Mysterious melodies fill my head with fallacy Please allow the option of leaving. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
4:42 pm	another strange night Hello, I'm back... and when do i usually return here? When I'm sad.   When I feel like I've already vented to everyone that "it's ok to vent to" it's just that i have 2 guys... one's an ex... one's a friend... that slept with like all of my friends... and why do i always have to hear about it... i don't even see the ex...  but last night i saw the friend... and right before i did...  I had to hear abou... oh, this is coming out right...   scratch that ...reverse it... I'm back.  So my evening started out kinda sad... listening to joyike...  very beautiful...  but very sad...   I was thinking about one my friends who's leaving...  I feel like I have no right to be as sad about it as I am...  I feel like... I don't know... Anyway, I was crying about it... and another friend texted me and said she was alone and sad... i felt that it was a great idea to go and visit her at the bar... (it's always smart to drink while depressed) She asked me about something I had told her about last time we hung out...  About me realizing some of my feelings for one of my friends...   I told her what happened...  not one of my happier memories... but one i'm still working on getting over... anyway... I think i could get over it better if i didn't have to hear about everyone sleeping with everyone (fucking) else... I feel like my heart is broken for some reason... Anyway, she told me about more fucking b/w friends...  GOD, It's not that I was jealous or angry at anybody... Its just that I felt used...  and that didn't help... I mean friends talk!  If I slept with three really close friends... I would expect them to talk...  And then i would expect them to think that I was a slut... I certainly wouldn't expect them to remain my friends...  ya know? And I definately wouldn't make the mistake of thinking that no one would talk about it...   I don't know again, i had no right to even get upset....   I think i'm just sad that he's leaving and I just dont' understand why i'm so sad... I'm sorry I'm rambaling... but i don't wanna talk to the people involved... they really don't need it right now... Maybe I'm just scared that I'll never see him again... Maybe I'm just scared that I'll separate myself from the group.. as I have before (example = the ex i mentioned above) Maybe I'm just scared that I'll never trust... or that I'll suck in relationships for the rest of my life I have this awesome guy in my life now... and i'd like to treat him right... I just worry that I'm too fucked up in the head to ever treat anyone right... But I'm sure it'll all work out... Happy New Year... My new years resolution...  to remember its sometimes darkest just before dawn... It really has been the worst day since yesterday...  Flogging Molly Current Mood: blah Current Music: Flogging Molly/Maroon 5/Bad Religion/Abby Ahmed (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
10:24 pm	I'm so happy that I can't stop crying... It's a song by sting... So, the question is... if i'm so happy  why can't i stop crying... It's done... i don't owe anybody any $... it's good... i supppose.. "is it true alway happy hour here?" Current Mood: blah Current Music: Mekong - the refreshments (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
1:15 am	blah Everything has been going so well... why do i feel depression wash over me like a comforting blanket... like an old friend... why? Current Mood: blah Current Music: Is it any wonder - Keane (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
1:27 am	You've got my attention "Change is usually necessary often desirable and always inevitable." Remember Mr. Holzer my fellow Canevinians... Party at my house on saturday.  Call me. Current Mood: Garden State Current Music: Everything (Comment on this)
Monday, November 6th, 2006
8:57 pm	Dudical!!! Hey!! I start my new position at PNC tomorrow!! Whoo WHo!! MO Money fo ME!!! I'll be celebrating with a lot of alcohol from the 16th on!! Anyone care to join me...   smirk. Oh, and i'll be posting some poetry.... in a minute.  It's bad... as it's always been. But at least i'm writing a bit again. "All you need is love... and whiskey!!!" Current Mood: crazy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
3:13 am	... whatever u do don't answer the phone. Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 31st, 2006
12:58 am	LA La la I have a test tomorrow.  Please send me your smart vibes. And HAPPY Halloween!!! I have too much to tell to type it now. My emotions have run the gamet this month. I got to be the DD!  Yippy! But I do send you all love and peace. And I'm very elated to be with my punkface(s) again.  It's funny how history seems to spiral in ocilatting circles.  To feel like I belong is nice. Thanks. "And I'd chime in with a haven't u people ever heard of Closing the God DAMN Door. No, It's better to face these kinds of things... with a sense of poise and rationality"       (It really is) blahblahsomethingblah "Is everything a baited hook.  And are there locks on all doors. If you're looking for an open book Look no further... I am yours." Read between my lines the times spent sulking in solitude my mood elates as water pours like wine (I drink to be drunk in you)    <---old line my new reason not to leave the mark on my sleave They said don't wear it... again Please don't tear at my sheets Old synonyms for sonagrams into my chest the best times the best rhymes are spent on you                   blahblahblahnothingblah    10/31/06 I have an interview tomorrow.    And a test.   And a party.   Too much fun?   Never. Back to my dance therapy.  SWEET!!   (I recomend it you know) Current Mood: calm Current Music: Fionna Apple "Criminal" (should be studying) (1 Comment |Comment on this)